Products of Boredom
by Mistress of Azure
Summary: Random drabbles that I come up with in my spare time. They range from romance to angst, action to pure silliness. Crack pairings and randomness abound! Chapter 3: Fun with Garlic and Kiba.
1. Irony

Eh. o.o Don't look at me like that. Yes it's weird, but don't blame me. Yes it's my fault, but DON'T BLAME ME. It just happened. So, yes.

Crack pairing ahoy!

1-2-3-G-O

Sasuke was confused.

This was quite a feat, considering this was _Uchiha Sasuke_, and Uchiha Sasuke was not often confused. But it was true. Sasuke had lately become very confused.

It came about in a rather strange, yet painfully ordinary manner. After all, Sasuke was only human. Yes, despite all the coldness, all the burning rage, the avenger mentality and the spiteful disgust at practically anyone that looked at him funny, he was still quite annoyingly human. And as much as it would surprise many people, he was also a growing teenager, and all growing teenagers have to deal with it sooner or later, he supposed. He'd have preferred it to be later.

He had never looked at girls before, had never been interested even when they were chasing him around proclaiming their undying love. Girls were not civil beings and were not treated as such. They were just annoying pests. Ignore them and they will eventually lose interest and go away. If they didn't, you squish them. That's how you deal with pests.

Sasuke wondered if this was how it felt for those girls, the ones that he ignored or pushed aside with harsh words. He hadn't realized that it could hurt like this, and recently he had been tempted to find every one of those girls and apologize to them. Sasuke was often cold and harsh, but he never _willingly_ meant to hurt them. And now he realized he had.

He didn't know when it had happened exactly. It didn't even start small and grow. It had just…occurred. One day, she was just another of his classmates…the next, he couldn't look at anyone else. In class, he would try to sit behind her so he could sneak glances, and at lunch he would follow her with his eyes without even realizing it. If she ever looked his way, ever smiled his direction, if their eyes ever met across the room, he would turn away and his cheeks would grow hot. He didn't know why.

Then one day he figured it out. It seemed so obvious.

He liked her.

Sasuke liked a girl.

In a matter of weeks his whole world was falling apart. Uchiha Sasuke did not like girls! Sasuke liked training. And fighting. And revenge. And more training.

And her.

It was ironic, when he thought about it. All his life, girls had been chasing him around. Almost every girl in Konoha, at one point or another, had had a crush on the Uchiha heir. And then Sasuke's stupid hormones just _had_ to kick in and make him obsessed with one of the few who had never given him a second thought.

'_How unfair.'_ Sasuke thought as watched her across the classroom, trying to drown out the pink haired kunoichi who was sitting next to him. It really was ironic. Sakura was constantly all over him. Naruto couldn't leave Sakura alone. Hinata was obviously in love with Naruto.

And Sasuke only had eyes for her.

1-2-3-G-O

(huddled in a corner) Oh shut up. All of you.


	2. Standard Issue

(dangles chapter in front of reviewers) I don't think you _really_ deserve this...after all, it's only been three days since my last update...I really should hold out on you. But, oh well! I'm feeling generous. Here you go. (tosses drabble out) You know what to do, loves.

1-2-3-G-O

"Salutations and greetings, and welcome to the Ninja Academy. Our prestigious institution has long been dedicated to educating the youth of Konoha Village who aspire to become ninja. We sincerely hope each and every one of you will enjoy your time here and opt to continue with us throughout the remaining years of your schooling."

The class of eight year olds stared blankly at Iruka as he read the official greeting off the memo he had received that morning. He wondered how many of them had actually understood a word he had said. Maybe "welcome". Glancing around at them, he inspected this year's students and smiled warmly. "What that means is, we're glad you're here and we want you to have a good time. My name is Iruka-sensei. I look forward to having a lot of fun with all of you." The children relaxed a little at this more casual introduction.

"Now I'd like to go around the room and have everyone tell us a little about themselves, but before we do that, I'm supposed to pass out your official academy uniforms." As Iruka walked over to a cabinet and started pulling out cardboard boxes, the students looked a little confused at this statement. They had to wear uniforms? They had never seen the older students wearing anything resembling uniforms. In fact, they didn't seem to wear anything that even looked similar…except…

Their teacher pulled a pair of shoes out of the box. They were thick, open-toed, blue, and rather clunky looking. There was a collective sweatdrop from the children at the sight. "You can't be serious!" one distressed looking girl cried. "They'll clash with _everything_!" Iruka chuckled and the girl fluffed her blond hair, looking indignant.

"This is the Ninja Academy uniform. You will each be given a pair of these shoes," Iruka turned and pulled some small rolls of fabric from the box as well, "…and some of this mesh and some bandages. From these materials you will create your uniform. The mesh and bandages are optional, but highly recommended. The shoes however, are required."

A small hand shot into the air. "Where do you guys get those shoes anyway? They are hardly practical for ninja use and furthermore…"

Iruka cut off the bored looking boy. "Look, don't ask me, they're standard issue. All the villages use them."

Another hand flew up. "Um, sensei, do they have to be so ugl – er, blue?"

He shrugged at the pink haired kunoichi. "Not necessarily. Any ninja equipment store can provide you with other colors. Or you could just paint them. But they have to be the same style or we are required to refuse to teach you." The crowd cried out in anger but Iruka shushed them again with his cry of "THEY'RE STANDARD ISSUE! Don't blame me, I didn't come up with these rules!"

1-2-3

In a village far away, Tsunade sat at the bar of a small pub, chatting with her companion, Shizune. She stared into the distance, speaking fondly of a time long past.

"Yes, back when I was little, I certainly had grandfather whipped," she was saying. "If I just pouted a little and gave him those big puppy dog eyes, why, I could get him to make the whole village where polka-dots if I wanted!" She burst out laughing. Shizune rolled her eyes at the older woman and smiled. Suddenly Tsunade stopped and looked contemplative.

"Y'know…I wonder if it could still work?" She glanced around the bar. "I'm getting on in years, but I really haven't changed much since then…" Smiling wickedly, she called the bartender over. "Sir, I haven't much money left you see, but I was wondering if I could just have one more drink, maybe with a little discount?" The bartender started to refuse, but stopped short when Tsunade's eyes started watering and her bottom lip started trembling. "_Please_?"

Almost immediately, every male in the near vicinity rushed over and shoved their drinks at the blonde. Grinning, Tsunade took one of the offered drinks. "Yep," she said happily as she prepared to drain the glass, "I've still got it."

1-2-3-G-O

Yes, that was...sufficiently random. XD I was flipping through the Naruto calendar that my friend got me (kyaaa!), when I suddenly noticed..."Hey, they all wear the same shoes. Are those like, standard issue or something?" And here we are.


	3. Superstitions

BWAHAHA! I must say, I totally love this story. _Hil_-arious. I'm proud of myself. Enjoy!

1-2-3-G-O

"...He bit him?" Kiba stared at the blonde boy incredulously.

"Yeah, he just bit him right on the neck. That's when the curse mark appeared." Naruto recapped for the group.

"...he _bit_ him?"

"Yes."

"...on the neck?"

"...Yes."

"...he BIT him? On the NECK?"

"YES! He bit him on the neck! Like with fangs! Yes!"

"...he bit him."

"_Grr._"

The two boys sat in a dimly lit conference room along with the rest of the Rookie Nine Minus Sasuke Plus Three. Naruto and Sakura had spent the last hour telling the group about their previous confrontations with Orochimaru and how Sasuke had come to be inflicted with the curse seal. They had been commissioned by the fifth hokage to chase down the snake sennin and dispose of him once and for all. Ordinarily, such a deadly mission would be one performed by only the highest ranked shinobi of the village, but seeing as it was up to the Hokage, she could assign anyone she wanted to whatever mission she chose, and she set the young ninjas to this mission because, well, that was Tsunade and anyone who questioned Her judgment did it only once and never spoke out against Her again.

In any case, Naruto and Sakura, who had been with Sasuke when he received the curse seal, had been asked to tell the group about the event so that they all knew exactly what they were up against. It was in the stunned silence that followed the tale that Kiba began his odd line of questions.

"Are you sure it was on the neck?"

"GODAMMIT KIBA YES! YES HE BIT HIM ON THE FREAKING NECK, WITH FANGS, AND THEN THE CURSE MARK APPEARED! YES! WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW!"

"Oh, well it…that's really, er…weird. That's all." Sakura had to hold back Naruto as the blonde boy attempted to strangle the dog trainer.

1-2-3

Orochimaru laughed maniacally as he stared down his young opponents. The battle with Orochimaru's goons had led them to the inner sanctum of his fortress, and it was clear that this was the final confrontation.

"So, you managed to defeat my underlings, did you? I admit, I'm slightly impressed. I never thought you would make it this far. But that all changes now. You are no match for my incredible power!" Orochimaru indulged in another bout of maniacal laughter.

"We'll see about that, fiend!" To everyone's surprise, this outburst came not from Naruto or even Sakura, but from Kiba. The dog master dashed to the front of the group and dug through his shuriken pouch, a determined scowl on his face. Before any of the other shinobi could speak up, he leapt forward, pulling a small wooden cross and a plump clove of garlic from his pouch.

"BE GONE, FOUL DEMON OF THE NIGHT!" Kiba screeched, as he held the cross aloft and chucked the garlic at the snake sennin, who caught it in his mouth which hung slightly agape.

"Huh-ack!" Orochimaru coughed several times as he choked it down. "What the hell was tha-ACK!"

The rest of the leaf shinobi, meanwhile, were fuming at their companion. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, KIBA!" Ino screamed, as she started punched him across the face.

"YEAH, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO!" Sakura added as she helped her rival pound Kiba into the ground. The other members of the group soon followed, while a few of them who were either not violent enough or too clueless to get it (namely, Hinata, Shikamaru and Naruto) tried to wrap their head around what had just happened. It was at this time that Shikamaru decided to point out the current state of their enemy.

"Hey, look at that."

The other shinobi paused in the midst of their beating and gaped at the snake sennin. Orochimaru had fallen to his knees and crouched, gasping and clutching at his clearly swollen throat. Hives were breaking out across all parts of his body, and he coughed frantically as he attempted to get more air to his lungs. His efforts were in vain, however, and as his throat swelled shut, the great sennin keeled over, suffocated to death.

There was a long silence in the chamber. For a long time, no one spoke or moved. Suddenly, the stillness was broken by a single shout.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I'M THE _MAN_!"

Kiba leapt up and started dancing around wildly, whooping and cheering for himself as the others continued to stare blankly at the dead Orochimaru. Slowly, Sakura pulled herself together and walked slowly toward the corpse. Inspecting it carefully to make sure he was actually dead, she rifled through the clothing and pockets until she came up with a small dog tag. She read it, blanched, and gestured for Naruto to join her. As he came up beside her, she showed him the dog tag. Silently he read it.

OROCHIMARU  
ALLERGIC TO ALLIUM SATIVUM (_GARLIC_)

A small medical emblem adorned the other side.

Slowly the two turned to look at Kiba who had grabbed the stunned Hinata and was dancing with her wildly, still cheering happily. Turning back to each other, Naruto opened his mouth. "Should we tell-?"

"NO. No. He just…no. He just…doesn't need to know."

1-2-3-G-O

BWAHAHA! Haha, I loved writing that! Anyway, this idea came up when I was talking to my brother one day and I said something about "That damn vampire" in reference to Orochimaru. Then I stopped and thought about it, and he really _is_ like a vampire! And for some reason Kiba seem superstitious to me. I don't know why, he just does. Anyway, I hope you liked it! I know _I_ did! XD


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